The Musings of James Potter
by Jo31891
Summary: Oneshot. There are a lot of things I know now that I didn't think of before. Like, how soft his skin is. Or how I can't help but want to run my fingers through that black hair. JP&SS slash, Yaoi


When I first met him I thought he was a lot of things. I'm usually a very good judge of character I'm told. I've always had the right friends, always treated people the way they should be. I have never made a single friend that my mother has disapprove of. Not even him. When I first saw him, I didn't like him. But I liked her. She was beautiful and smart and kind while he was just…small. Of course we were all small at that age, most being smaller then myself anyway. But the way he looked. The way he held himself. He made himself smaller. As if he could escape everything by disappearing.

There are a lot of things I know now that I didn't think of before. Like, how soft his skin is. Or how I can't help but want to run my fingers through that black hair. I didn't think he could be so adorable when he was sleeping or how cute he looked when he was happy. I've only seen him smile a few times and I'm proud to say I'm one reason for it.

But one thing I hate the most is how easily he broke. I thought it was going to take years to break him, not days. Not in the first week of school for sure. But I did. I broke his heart and as time went on I slowly began to break his spirit as I was discovering it. I thought he was strong. No. He is strong. He has to be. To live like this for five years alone, he's very strong. But he's not alone. He had her by his side for a while. And now he has me.

I never thought in all my life I would find myself loving him so strongly. I never thought I would ever curse myself for making those coal black eyes drop to the floor in sadness. I never thought I would hold my breath just to see his smile. I never thought I would be here now with him in my arms.

He is truly a marvelous person. He's smart, shy, fun and so strong. To have pushed back the tears for so long, it makes me wonder how he could possibly forgive me. I was such a bastard toward him all these years. But he forgave me. I apologized with all of my heart and he forgave me. How can someone like him possibly exist? I don't know but I'm happy to have him in my arms for however long I can keep him.

He lets out a soft moan as I gently stroke that slightly hooked nose of his. We always used to tease him about it. But now when I see him, I imagine tears rolling down his face and off the tip of that nose and I hate myself. I don't ever want to see him cry again. Never again.

I can't hold back the smile as he snuggles closer, brushing my finger away as if it were a fly. I run them into that soft raven hair instead as he buries his face into my chest. He is so adorable. He makes the cutest little sounds in his sleep. I can remember when I found him sleeping once. He had a white teddy bear tucked under his chin, clinging to it for dear life as he mewled softly. I remember falling in love with him all over again.

I glare at the alarm on the dresser nearby. I smack it quickly so as not to disturb him. He hates it when I do that but I can't help it. I love watching him sleep. He doesn't find it funny. He always blushes and says I'm stupid. But even that is cute. He's so shy. And he can't accept it when I say how beautiful he is. He has a beauty all his own. Nothing like her, never. But his soul is beautiful. He has a pure love like no other. A devotion to his talent that he would do anything to practice. I bet he'd become a teacher just to practice. He's so awkward around children.

I settle back on my elbow, playing with his hair as I watch him. He'll realize soon he's over slept and start to wake up. Then he'll give a cute half-glare and attempt to get out of bed. But to my surprise he didn't do this. My grin fell as he kissed my collarbone gently. He wraps his arms around my neck, pulling his body closer to mine. I have his legs trapped between mine so when he came closer I wrap the one around his hip.

"You'll make me late one of these days." He whispers, kissing up my throat slowly.

"You always wake up anyway. I don't know why you need an alarm." I mutter in return. I lower myself back onto the pillow so he doesn't have to sit up. He kisses just behind my ear before settling into my chest again.

"I keep it so you know when to stop staring." He yawns, hugging my neck tighter.

"But I like staring at you."

"I don't know why." He mutters, kissing my skin again. This isn't like him. He usually isn't so straightforward like this. But who cares? I like it.

"You know very well why. Do I have to repeat myself every morning or do you just like hearing me say it?"

"I have a bad memory." He says, running the tip of his tongue over a nipple. My leg tightens on his hip, pressing his flush to mine. I lean down to his ear as he kisses the pink nub.

"You are beautiful." I whisper with a gentle blow of air into his ear. I can feel the shiver run through him and he lifts those coal black eyes to meet mine.

"I find it hard to remember such unproven statements." He replies. I grin in response and before he can realize I have him pinned to the bed by the wrists, my knees on either side of his hips.

"Shall I prove it to you again?" I whisper, my breath mingling with his. I steal a kiss, still smirking down at his blushing face.

"We'll be late to class." He says softly. He can feel his hips under mine and I know he really doesn't want to get up yet. And neither do I.

"When has that ever bothered me?" I muttered, stealing another kiss. I love the smacking sound it makes when he responds to the quick kiss. It makes me want more.

"And if I have potions first?"

"Then we'll have to hurry."

"You're so kind." He mutters dryly. I grin down at him.

"I know." I kiss him again, this time slipping my tongue between his lips. He groans, responding very nicely. I love it when he does that. I feel his tongue run over my teeth and I pull back, drawing him in. I press my hips down, causing his to jump up off the bed. The sheet is slipping down my back. Let the world see my bum. I don't care.

His hands tangle into my messy ebony hair and I purr deeply. I pull away when he needs air and go for his neck. I began to suck hard just under his pulse as he gasps and moans, holding me tighter as I grind against his groin. I smirk at the purplish mark I've made on his skin. I love marking him in places where he can't hide them.

"You do that on purpose." He whines softly, glaring half-heartedly at me. I pull up to smile down at him.

"But of course." He rolls those wonderful black eyes and glances toward the clock.

"Breakfast is over. We only have a few minutes." He says. I sigh, resting my head on his shoulder as I give one more hump against him.

"Right. Time for a shower." I grumble, sitting up. He blushes pink as he sits up on his elbows to watch me get out of bed. He averts his eyes to an empty part of the room as I bend over to pick up my pants.

"There's no time for both of us." He mutters. I turn to grin at him, pulling on my glasses.

"Sure there is." I said cheerfully. He stammers as I grab his hand and pull him out of bed. He doesn't even have the chance to grab the sheet to cover himself. "We'll take one together."

"Wha- w-wait!" He gasps as I pull him toward the bathroom. Having nothing to cover himself he presses into my side as I close the door behind us. "W-we can't! What if someone sees?"

"Everyone's heading to class. No one's going to come in." I reassure him, turning on the tap. His cheeks are flaming red as I laugh. I lift him up under the arms, startling him greatly. He's so light and small. So cute. I set him into the marble shower and climb in after him. A fall of steamy hot water rains on our heads. Despite the heat he's shivering, hugging himself as if he's cold. I laugh gently, wrapping my arms around him. He can do nothing but lean into my chest and tremble with embarrassment. "So cute." I mutter, kissing him by the ear. I gently turn him around and grab the bottle of shampoo. "I'll wash your hair."

"More joking." He mutters bitterly. I kiss the back of his head before lathering in the soup.

"No more jokes. No more greasy git or fishhook nose. No more teasing. Promise." I said calmly. He sighs, keeping as still as possible as it wash his hair. It really is soft and long, curtaining his face. He hides in it when he's frightened or shy and stares at the floor. I pull him into the water and rinse it out. His hair was never greasy looking any more simply because I changed his shampoo. It makes is so much softer and manageable now. Not even he can help running his fingers through it.

"Are you going to the Shack Saturday night?" He asked softly, his head lowered. He's afraid of the Shrieking Shack now more then ever. I don't think I could ever forgive my best friend for tricking him like that. I punched him in the face the next morning for it. We still aren't talking.

"No. Padfoot can take care of him."

"Okay." He whispers. He doesn't like it when I go play with Moony and he's so afraid of him now. He didn't mean to attack him. He doesn't have control. He understands that but is still afraid. I sigh, wrapping my arms around him from behind.

"I love you, you know that?" He stiffens for a moment. I say it often enough. And he's always frightened by it. I can understand why.

"Yeah. I know." He says weakly, trying to smile.

I can understand why he can't bring himself to say it too.

But until that day, I will continue to love him and protect him. It will take years for me to repent for my sins against this angel but I'll try my best. Anything to stay by his side.

"We'll be late."

"Right."

I quickly wash myself as he finishes up. I help him dry his hair before tending to myself. He quickly dresses in the dorm as I finish in the bathroom. He head out to the common room together, both our bags on my shoulder. He hates how I do that but I can't help it. He's so small and cute. We make our way down to the dungeons just as class is about to start. I hand him his things with a grin.

"You're gonna be late." He whispered. I take his hand and steal one last kiss.

"You know I don't care." I say with a grin. He rolls those coal black eyes but smiles that little smile for me. I grin like a happy fool as he turns to the door. I give him a wave before he disappears. "Love you Sev." I mutter before running up toward the Great Hall.

"JAMES POTTER! GET TO CLASS!" I hear McGonagall howl from her door and I laugh, dodging around a corner.

God I love my life.

* * *

Disclaimer: I own nothing. 

Thank you very much for reading. I doubt I will ever be able to write another like this.

Jo Manta


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